So you’ve decided you just have way too many customers. Business is booming, and that’s taking away from your fishing, napping, and video game time—which is just unacceptable.
There’s obviously nothing left to do but to chase some of these pesky customers away by employing some of the worst PR moves.
What tactics should you employ to get rid of paying customers? Try the following suggestions if you want to lower your workload and shrink your bank account each month.
1. Be obnoxious on social media.
You’ve probably built up a lot of good will on social media over the years; it’s why you have so many customers to begin with. After all, getting new customers is one thing, but keeping them around? These days, that depends heavily on your social media presence.
Of course, you want to get rid of these customers so you can have more time to hang out and not make money, so you have to tarnish this good will you’ve built up. One of the best things you can do is to stop being nice, helpful, and organized, and start being obnoxious.
First, start spamming as often as you can. Post ridiculous links that have nothing to do with anything or continually post nothing but ads about your company. If anyone asks a question, make sure to take extra time in answering—then don’t actually answer their question. For best results, be snippy about it.
2. Stay out of their minds.
People are busy. They’ve got work, school, kids, holidays, and a million other things running around in their heads. They’ve also got a million businesses vying for their attention. At any point, another company could come out of the woodwork and tell them they should pay attention to them.
Of course your plan is to get rid of as many customers as possible so you can go on leisurely walks around the countryside. What you should be working toward, then, is to make sure customers don’t remember you in any way, shape, or form. Do your best to become invisible.
Don’t go to community events, that’s for sure. If someone invites you to help out the community or be part of a fundraiser, turn them down. Make sure you never send out press releases
announcing new products or anything else exciting. Of course you should also get rid of your email newsletter—you don’t want anything popping up with your name on it on a regular basis.
3. Never change.
Finally, one of the most important things you can do to chase customers away is to always stay the course no matter what. If you don’t change with the times and with customers’ tastes, eventually they’ll get tired of you or see you as outdated.
Sure, some of your customers might stick around for the time being, but down the road things are bound to change. The company that changes its tactics is the company that continually brings in new customers and retains its old ones—which is what you don’t want, right?
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So no matter what happens, stay on the path you’re on. At some point, customers will get the idea you’re not interested in what they have to say and will abandon ship. Then you’ll have plenty of time to catch all the fish you want.
What’s something you’ve done that ended up scaring away customers?
Mickie Kennedy is the CEO and founder of eReleases and blogs at PR Fuel, where a version of this story originally appeared.