Titles. Lord knows we love them. I’m guilty of hoarding a few of them.
My favorites are “Christa McAuliffe Middle School’s Student Body President” and “Kappa Delta’s Funniest Sister Award.” After all, titles—especially as they pertain to our work—provide a sense of value and appreciation.
However, it’s often alarming to see the onslaught of individuals claiming lofty job titles in the realm of social media.
You know the types. They’re the “Social Media Swami,” the “Chief People Herder,” and the “Social Media Dragon-Slayers
.” (Click here
to see even more outrageous social media job titles.)
I’d love to divulge some of the most outrageous social media titles.
Social media guru.
Are you really a master of all things Web in concordance with the time-honored scripts of Indian religions? No? Then enough with the false advertisement. Let’s leave all “guru” titles to those who truly deserve them—Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji, Buddha, and Mike Myers
Social media magician.
Although I often hear the line, “I love the voodoo that you do” (which I take as a compliment), there is no witchcraft to my work. Instead, it’s all about monitoring updates to social pages, spotting evolving social platforms, and possessing a hell of a lot of time-management skills and multiple hat-wearing capabilities. (OK, it requires far more than that, but a magician never reveals her secrets.)
Social media vixen.
Anyone who refers to herself (or himself) as a “social media vixen” is begging for attention. The person probably has a sultry (read: tawdry) avatar, and, for the most part, shouldn’t be managing your brand’s reputation. Note: The social media vixen is the spawn of the “social media lady of the night”; stay away from that bloodline.
Social media rock star.
Anyone who compares himself of herself to a member of Led Zeppelin in any way, shape, or form—especially as it relates to social media—should be taken out by a Black Dog. The only parallel I draw between myself and a rock star is that, like Elton John, I can tickle the ivories … of my Mac.
SPOILER ALERT: Don’t let your youngsters read this next one …
Social media ninja.
If you believe that Santa Claus can hit every house in the world in one night, then it makes perfect sense that you’d put your faith and hard-earned cash into the hands of swift, mysterious assassins who hustle the social media game and tweet on behalf of your business.
Now, I consider my team to be knowledgeable on social media campaigns and initiatives, but I don’t go around knighting my staffers in the name of social media. It’s just poor form.
Therefore, I command you to expunge these megalomaniacal titles from your brain. We, as social media… (well, whatever we are these days) don’t deserve them.
No, really. Take them back.
Jacqueline Simard is senior accounts manager at Blastmedia, where a version of this story first appeared.You can follow her on Twitter @jacqsays.