12 irritating social media words and phrases

Hi, how are you? Good, good. Well, I’m here because I have a huge favor to ask of you. I’m literally typing this on bended knee, which is kind of silly because you can’t see it. You’ll just have to trust me. This is really painful.

I’m on bended knee because I am begging you, I am pleading with you, to please retire the following 12 words and phrases. They want to go down to bathe in Florida’s glorious sun. They want to play shuffleboard.

1. Influencer

What does this word mean? Do you shake hands with people at a conference and say, “Hi, I’m an influencer?” Whom or what are you influencing? And how do you know? Do you check with people and say, “You’re doing that because of me, aren’t ya? Awwww yeah!” I am perplexed and confused, but most of all, I’m just tired of this word. Let’s get rid of it.

2. Authentic