Halloween was ruined for me at a very young age. First, there was the time I dressed as an elf when I was about two years old. My mother stuffed me with pillows until I was so chubby that when I fell over, I couldn’t get up—not unlike a turtle on its back. Then the next year, I dressed as the lone ranger. I peed my pants, my mom took a photo, and then I went trick-or-treating. Here’s proof.
I refuse to dress up or participate in the holiday these days, and it’s a shame. If I weren’t so stubborn, I could get some awesome free stuff as part of some brand promotions.
For instance, walk into Krispy Kreme Doughnuts in costume on Friday and you’ll be entitled to one free doughnut, according to its Facebook page (unless, strangely, you live in Albany, Ga., Pigeon Forge, Tenn. or Uncasville, Conn., where the offer isn’t valid).