Everybody knows that Chuck Norris, at least the Internet’s idealized version of him, is invincible, right?
His strength makes Superman look like a wimp, and makes Zeus appear to be a mere mortal. Everything he does strikes fear and awe in the hearts of everyone. He can accomplish tasks no other human on Earth could. He’s the only man who can sit in the corner of a round room. He knows the last digit of pi. He can cut through a hot knife with butter. He can slam a revolving door.
With all of these incredible talents in mind, what would happen if Chuck Norris was an Internet Marketer? Below are 12 possibilities.
1. Chuck Norris doesn’t need to track click through or conversion rates. His are always 100 percent.
2. Twitter doesn’t have a 140 character limit. That’s just how many characters Chuck Norris allows.
3. When employees at Google have a question, they “Norris” it.
4. There is no search engine algorithm. Just a list of websites Chuck Norris allows them to rank.
5. Chuck Norris can leave a comment on your Facebook wall using MySpace.
6. Chuck Norris will never be flagged by Google. Google isn’t nearly foolish enough to de-index him.
7. Chuck Norris doesn’t read blogs. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
8. Chuck Norris does not need Twitter. He is already following you.
9. Chuck Norris wrote a blog post and it got over five million tweets before it was published.
10. Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’s PC will crash.
11. Chuck Norris used MySpace once. That’s why there are no signs of life there anymore.
12. Chuck Norris’s computer has no “backspace” button. Chuck Norris doesn’t make mistakes.
Chuck Norris jokes are like cat videos. They’re a guilty pleasure few admit to, but many consume. If you fall into this category, don’t be embarrassed to leave a Chuck Norris-themed Internet marketing joke in the comments, because if you don’t, Chuck Norris will know.
A version of this article originally appeared on marketing firm Digital Relevance’s blog. Chad Pollitt is Digital Relevance’s director of marketing.
(h/t Andy Crestodina)