The Typochondriac Old columns remind us of today’s word problems

Ed. note: In one communications publication or another, Alden Wood has been writing his “Typochondriac” column since before Cal Ripken Jr. was born. We offer some of our favorite Aldenisms taken from back issues of The Ragan Report from the mid-1970s. We give you: Typochondriac Classics.

Are you ready for that? HAS PULP LIKE FRESH. Aaaaaarghh!

Do some copywriters REALLY BELIEVE people talk that way? Do they REALLY BELIEVE that people don’t SICKEN at such moronic malpractice in language? I cannot fathom the “thinking’ behind such a display. Yes I can: There is none.

Alden on business-speak

The hip folk are all over it: Let’s bottom line this …. Just gimme the bottom line … I believe in bottom-line management.

I become equally ill each time I hear some turkey yakking about something impacting upon something. (And I’m not all that happy with turkey, either!)

But experience is the bottom line turkey that impacts me the most.

Copywriters have clutched it and are flaunting it with vigor. Experience our beer, tampon, NOW account, butts, hemorrhoid salve, church or seat cover.

Whatever happened to English that is writ to express, not impress?