They pay us the lovely money, so we can’t be too mean about them—but sometimes they make us want to saw our heads off.
Here is our list of the most common, idiotic, and maddening client comments we hear—and how we would LOVE to answer them—if only they didn’t pay us the lovely money.
1. “We really need this to make.” Oh, OK. Thanks for telling us, because before you mentioned it, we weren’t planning on trying very hard.
2. ‘”Which papers are going to use the story?” Um—whichever papers decide it’s OK and that they’ll use it.
3. “Do you know what the news agenda is like for June?” Hang on a second. *Looks into crystal ball for updates on future murders, natural disasters, etc.*
4. “Sorry, but the release can’t be sent unless the brand name is in the intro paragraph” OK, fine, let’s get absolutely no coverage for you whatsoever. Not any. Not even a sun spot.
5. “Do you guarantee coverage?” Um, no. If you want guaranteed coverage, pay for an advert.